PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
