Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
