Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
