I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i can't believe i had my finger in that
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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