Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
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