Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
