His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
