And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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