I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I AM VODKA MAN
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
