I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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