Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
