Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
My balls are so social today.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
