3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
