I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
