I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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