remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
