What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
