Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
