The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
