I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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