OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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