Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
