Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
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