I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
