Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
