So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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