How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
