You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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