omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
