Can i not drive my cunt home
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
