I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize