I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
