Who wears a wallet chain?!
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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