she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?