So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?