Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
i think im in europe. pls send help
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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