Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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