just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy