Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say