I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
