I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
