i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
