its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
