isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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