i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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