She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
