Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
