When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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