I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize