i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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