Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
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