Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
