the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
