i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
