i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
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