i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Randomize
