Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
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