you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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