Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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