Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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