Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Pappa wants mamma naked
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
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