hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
