Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
