The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
