I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
