I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
