i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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