Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
