Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
