my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Randomize
