I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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