if i can run in heels then i can drive
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
