i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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