I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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