last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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