my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
