What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
