I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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