Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
